If you’re a fan of Jimmy Fallon (and if you’re not, you should seriously reconsider,) you have no doubt seen his Thank You Notes routine where he thanks random things for how they’ve impacted his life. We love these and so today we have constructed an homage to Mr. Fallon where we thank student loans for all the “joy” they’ve brought into our lives!
Thank you student loans for charging me so much in interest –
That I may as well be making it rain every day, all day…
Thank you student loans for enabling me to get a degree in ancient Incan drama –
So that I can understand my character’s motivation for taking your order…
Thank you student loans for being the one consistent relationship in my life –
Sallie Mae and I are in this thing for the long haul!
Thank you student loans for being so terrifying –
That I no longer fear the zombie apocalypse!
Thank you student loans for helping me sober up and stop partying –
By making sure I have no money to have any fun…
Thank you student loans for teaching me the value of a dollar –
By only leaving me that much in spare cash each week…
Thank you student loans for helping me deepen my relationship with my parents –
By moving into their basement!
Thank you student loans for helping me be more environmentally conscientious –
By making sure I have no car to pour fossil fuels into.
Thank you student loans for protecting me from an often volatile stock market –
No need for an investment portfolio when you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
Thank you student loans for encouraging me to be an eternal optimist –
Because things can only get better from here, right???
If you have financial aches and pains and can thank your student loans for these ills, Tuition.io can help! Sign up for our free student loan management tool to track and optimize your debt! Check out our blog for tips on dealing with your educational debt and peruse our student loan help center for a roster of how-to guides and other great info.