Epic Disaster Looms: Attack of the Student-Loan-Nado
August 12, 2013

A ton of student loan debt can feel like a catastrophe, but can it really compare to an actual (fake) disaster like a Sharknado? Millions of us were riveted to our TV screens as SyFy aired their much anticipated fish feeding frenzy of a disaster movie. The channel has long been more fiction than science, but this one held us unfazed by the lack of facts. We have to wonder – would you rather face a sharknado or a five-digit student loan crisis? Let’s compare the two and see which disaster ranks as more monstrous:

The Rumors Begin… Should You be Terrified?

With Sharknado, no one wanted to believe the sharks were gathering as the tropical winds began to pick up to high speeds. Can no one see the perfect storm looming of a swarm of sharks caught in an oceanic cyclone?

With Student-Loan-Nado, you hear the tales of grads who can’t find jobs, out of control loan delinquencies and defaults, but you never think it could happen to you. Can no one see the economic writing on the wall?

Suspicions Stir… Could This Be More than Crazy Talk?

With Sharknado, it took seeing to start them believing. After all, it just seems so improbable that a shark would fall from the sky and attack. Can no one see that all you need is a barstool to fend them off?

With Student-Loan-Nado, a barstool definitely won’t help fight off student debt. But when you finally hear first-hand from a friend that they’re being crushed by student debt, you may start to ask yourself, “Could it happen to me?” 

And Then… The First Bite. Ouch. Is This Really Happening?

With Sharknado, it often took the first bite to shock people into the harsh reality that yes, Sharknado really was a thing. Next you wonder, “How can I survive a midair big snack attack?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, it usually takes the end of the grace period and the first time you have to write a big check or see a giant debit take a bite out of your budget to make you wonder “Will I survive this?”

And Next… The Sky Is Falling. It Can’t Be Raining Sharks, Right?

With Sharknado, it started with one flying fish and then turned into a shark storm. This is the point that being pelted with angry Elasmobranchii has you asking, “Will it ever end?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, it starts with one payment but then you find yourself neck deep in loans and struggling to stay afloat each month. When the debt keeps piling on, you may ask, “Is my financial sky falling?”

And If the Shark Doesn’t Get You… There Are Other Things to Worry About!

With Sharknado, you might escape from a swarm of sharks circling the school bus you’re driving only to see this coming and ask, “WTF? What are the odds that this is happening?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, you can have a few late payments or penalties, but hang in there. Then you get refused a loan or job because of this and have to ask, “WTF? I’m barely surviving student loans and now this?”

Then You’ve Had It… And You’re Ready to Take a Stab at Fighting Back!

With Sharknado, you can only take so much terror before you’re ready to hit back. Some people go on the offensive right away, but for others it takes a close call to have you fighting back and yelling at your seawater stalker, “You like that, huh? Does it hurt?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, it may take watching your loan payments eat your budget to nothing until you’re ready to take a stab at a solution. Forbearance or deferment offers time to arm yourself and ask, “You feel that student loans? You’re going down!” 

Time to Make a Plan… You Need a Strategy to Defeat the Impending Disaster!

With Sharknado, attacking the storm of swimmers one at a time is a panicky approach that won’t address the looming issue. This is when you have to come up with a strategy to win the war. Ask yourself, “How do I get rid of this infestation once and for all?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, attacking your loans one month at a time isn’t the best solution if you’re in too deep. This is when you need to come up with a plan to kill it off. Ask yourself, “How do I get rid of this infestation once and for all?”

Once You’ve Got a Strategy… Time to Dive In and Do Some Damage!

With Sharknado, you just need to arm yourself with a weapon that will do some serious damage and get to work. Now you’re ready to hold up your chainsaw and yell, “Take that Sharknado!” and vanquish them once and for all.

With Student-Loan-Nado, a chainsaw (unfortunately) won’t help. Instead, a solution like combining IBR or PAYE with debt avalanche should give you the ammunition to yell, “Take that student loans!” and vanquish them once and for all.

Now That You’ve Survived… We Have to Ask: Which Is Worse?

With Sharknado, it’s one heck of a storm that brings some bite, but at least it’s gone within a day or two. If you can find a way to survive it, you can fondly reminisce, “Remember when we survived that tropical storm/shark attack by using a barstool, chainsaw, pool cue and propane?”

With Student-Loan-Nado, it’s years of torment (even decades) unless you find a way to effectively fight off the attack on your budget. If you can find a way to kill them off fast you can fondly reminisce, “Remember when we survived student loans using Tuition.io’s student loan tool and optimization strategies (and a chainsaw)?”